Let's teach kids to play safe instead of just saying NO.

This morning, the daycare owner asked me if N played video games because N had told another kid that he was going to kill him. OK, I get that the other kid was scared. However, I am dismayed that play fighting has become a taboo. N is the ultimate decider of how he wants to play and no one can control his decisions. We can try to place limits and discourage him from play fighting at school. We can even stick him in time out. But, in the end, if N wants to play fight, he will do it. My suggestions in this case are:

1. Tell N that it is not OK to play fight at school. It is a school rule. However, this rule will probably get broken from time to time. OK, probably all the time. So, my next suggestion is a response to N breaking this rule.
2. Use this as a valuable teaching tool for the other kids. The other kids can learn how to face bullies. For instance, in this case, the other children can be taught to play along and say they have a force field so N can't hurt them. Empower the other kids!

N has a very active imagination. He plays other games, too. He likes to play mommy (or daddy). He likes to cook. He likes to play horse or cat. He plays affectionate games as well as fighting games. He is still learning how to play fight responsibly. I wish people could give him a break! We have already banned violent videos and video games. There is only so much we can do. The kid is obsessed with sword fights. Is it better to repeatedly say 'No!' or is it better to teach him to play in a way that doesn't harm others but still allows him to use his imagination regarding play fighting.

On a similar note, there are times when N refuses to hold my hand to cross the street. Insisting that he hold my hand can lead to a real battle. So, when we are crossing a quiet residential street, I remind him to look both ways and make sure it is safe to cross first. However, when we cross busy streets, he must hold my hand. Isn't it better to teach kids to be safe than to prevent them from doing what they want and fighting with them over everything?!?