Introduction

I am the powerless mother of a full fledged, pint sized, bully. Before I shock you, here are some disclaimers:
1. I love my son.
2. I may refer to him as a demon, but this is really a humorous term of endearment. I NEED to find the humour in the situation to stay sane.
3. I am venting my frustrations. There will be profanity.
4. I already see a therapist.
5. I do not want parenting advice!

OK, now that's through, here is some background. First, I was a bully. It's genetic. There's something wrong with my brain and it wasn't until I was eight years old that I realized I needed help and started to actually care about other people's feelings. I'm positive that my son, hereafter referred to as N, is on a similar track.

N has been a bully since he was conceived. I swear that I could feel him at 8 weeks gestation because he constantly moved. As he grew, I was kicked and punched without mercy. Once he was born, the kicking and punching continued. He also didn't sleep well. N liked to hit and kick me while he nursed. He also liked to bite, the little fucker. I was ecstatic when I stopped nursing him, although I continued to pump for the little ingrate.
N even got his daycare provider fired. Some random parent saw her put him in a crib a little too forcefully, or so I am told. My husband and I pleaded with them not to fire her because we were sure N probably deserved it. All to no avail. Alas, N was kicked out of this daycare before he reached 3 and a half.

As N grew, he became more aggressive. He bit, kicked, hit, punched, pulled, and exhibited an assortment of aggressive behaviours toward his fellow toddlers and teachers. Miraculously, the biting has been replace by spitting, which I consider a vast improvement.

A few months before he was kicked out of his first daycare, we had him evaluated. No surprises: he's at or below the 3rd percentile on social development and at or below the 1st percentile on emotional development (or the other way around, I forget). So he qualified to go to the public developmental preschool for 2 hours a day. For some reason, the teacher there thought he could go to 'normal' school full time and recommended a specific Montessori program. He's on the verge of getting kicked out of that one and is going back to the developmental preschool ASAP. So, now I am desperate to find a nanny we can afford.

N sees a therapist, but I am skeptical about its effectiveness. He doesn't have ADD or ADHD, which is a real shame because then we could medicate him. UPDATE: We are exploring this again. It seems the doctor is more willing to consider ADHD now that N is 4.

I'm going insane. We talk about feelings. We have books on feelings and how to make and be a friend. We know all the catch phrases: "Use your words", "hitting, kicking, (whatever) hurts", "we don't do that in this family", etc... Time outs are tough. We have to endure the time out with him in order to ensure his safety because he breaks things. Of course, keeping him safe leads to our pain.

People try to give us parenting advice ad nauseum. Like we never heard of time outs, discipline or taking toys away. I wish these people would look at my older son, J. J is an absolute angel. OK, not absolute, but when you're comparing him to N, he's got a halo.

Basically, N is a wild, out of control demon and the only thing to do is wait for that part of his brain that empathises to develop.