A good parent teacher conference

Wow! I had the best parent teacher conference ever for N. I didn't hear about how horrible my kid is, or all the terrible things he's been doing. I heard about his progress. I heard about his strengths. We discussed appropriate responses to some of his behaviors. We talked about our short term and long term goals and the strategies to implement them. It's refreshing to be working with his caregivers and teachers instead of feeling like I am working against them and always having to advocate for N's needs. We even talked about kindergarten which is 1.5 years off. How amazing that these people can see long term and have high hopes. I am so grateful for this service and the developmental preschools. It was refreshing to talk with someone who understands N and has the experience and ability to teach him social and emotional skills. Soon, they are going to start working on interaction skills: teaching him to join play, invite others to play, share, etc...
The best part is, N has good days at school. He's not being punished all the time. He is being praised for his accomplishments, no matter how little they seem. He's learning that he is good.


Today felt like a complete confirmation that I am a good mom and that I am doing the best possible for my kid. It feels like all this work and effort is paying off. N is doing so much better now that he has a nanny and a developmental preschool. It's like night and day. He is still tough, but he seems a little different. More tolerant of frustration, less emotionally needy. He had a melt down this evening and it lasted less than 30 minutes. He even determined he was tired and needed to lie down, all on his own. That is amazing progress.

preschool pickups

Today, I picked up N from preschool. He and about 6 other kids were sitting around a table, eating snack. I asked N how his day was. N tells me a story which I could understand only parts of: he was playing outside and ended up pushing some other kid. So, I said something like: Pushing is not nice. We need to practice using our words and keeping our body to ourselves. Words can be powerful.
Then, another kid says: N pushed me today. And I responded sympathetically. Another kid says: N pushed me twice. A third kid says: N pushed me too. This continues for a while and finally another child says: N tried to choke me today.
Did I mention that this was in front of two other parents?
I can understand that the chorus of 'N pushed me' may have been the result of kids wanting to be part of the conversation. However, the addition of the choking comment is no laughing matter and I do not doubt that it happened.
We just don't know what to do with this kid. My search for a nanny is fruitless so far. I wish that a book would fall from Heaven with all the answers and a magical index that automatically opens to the page I need.
We work so hard and spend so much time thinking about how to 'deal' with N and his behavior, how to teach him, how to provide positive encouragement, etc... . N is making progress, but it is painfully slow. It's really hard to celebrate the progress he has made in light of the path he has yet to travel.